Sleep on a rock? Such a deal...

Alcatraz Island has been suggested as the City’s newest entry in the adventure tourism market

A sleepover in a former federal prison on a cold and windy island—Now that sounds like fun!

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Can’t you see it now…folks lined up at Pier 33 near Fisherman’s Wharf to get fitted for their old-fashioned black-and-white-striped prison suits, handcuffs, and plastic balls-and-chains, to be clamped to one leg. All this, in preparation for their visit to Alcatraz Island in San Francisco Bay. Each guest is told to stand with their backs against a wall, holding their individual prisoner numbers under their chins, as they are photographed before boarding the Alcatraz Adventures ferry for the rough ride to one of the country’s most notorious former prisons.

This is just the beginning of a fun-filled trip to a lonely penitentiary which once housed legendary robbers, crooks and killers such as George “Machine Gun” Kelly, Al Capone and Robert Stroud, alias “The Birdman of Alcatraz”.

Finally, someone has come up with an idea that could help one of our greatest national parks achieve financial sustainability. Of course, I’m talking about the bundle of money the Golden Gate National Recreation Area could make if they market to the fantasy world of adventure tourism. Visits to Alcatraz are at an all-time high, but there are many hours when the park remains empty. Why not utilize those hours to earn more money for capital improvements to the site?

Here’s the deal: a very bright GGNRA staff member has proposed the idea of allowing people (especially those who don’t mind doing a little hard labor) the honor and privilege of spending the night in the Island’s old barracks building, originally constructed in the 1860’s. The barracks were originally designed to be a “bombproof” fortress, to protect the City of San Francisco from Confederate forces and their sympathizers.

The cash-strapped Golden Gate National Recreation Area has been brainstorming for creative ideas to restore the crumbling, historic buildings on the Island of Alcatraz, and now they have found it. Well, at least they have the germ of an idea, one that my husband thinks could earn millions of dollars each year. 

You see, the Park would allow adventurous souls to sleep on the cold and windy island in exchange for a volunteer day of “hard labor”, helping the staff restore the historic buildings and grounds.

That’s fine for the few rugged souls who need a little punishment to encourage them to do community service. But there is another group which genuinely enjoys adventure, which doesn’t care about strenuous vacations and which is accustomed to paying dearly for them. These are the people who finance the adventure travel market around the world.

So, just for fun, let’s continue with this imaginary Alcatraz Adventure trip. We have completed the ferry excursion through choppy Bay waters and we are definitely happy to be back on solid ground—”Rock” solid, that is. Stern-faced penitentiary guards march the tourist “prisoners” into a holding cell. The warden, a no-nonsense man who resembles Clint Eastwood, stands on the railing in the upper tier and spells out the rules. “Welcome to Cellblock A. The guards will now take you to your cells, where you will leave your belongings. Then you will march single-file to the chow hall.”

A few of the guests start to giggle now. Some wonder: What the heck are we doing here? and, as Bay Area tourists are sure to ask, what will we be given to eat? The rest are beginning to doubt whether this trip could possibly be worth the few souvenir snapshots they’ll bring home to remember this special night spent walking in the footsteps of so many famous criminals.

Chow time! So what’s on the menu? Hot dogs and beans lobbed onto a tin plate with a few slices of bread, served with watery coffee. Some folks might begin to relax a bit now, as they imagine how impressed their family and friends will be when they see photos of this infamous jail. After a few minutes of exercise in the prison’s high, walled, fenced-in “yard”, it will soon be time to watch one of the top Alcatraz prison films. Tonight’s selection? “The Rock”, a film that depicts what life was really like on the Island during its days as a federal penitentiary, while imagining modern-day tourists being held hostage by modern-day terrorists. 

After the film, everyone receives “regulation” grey woolen blankets and returns to the cellblock for bed…

During the night, no one sees or hears the Island’s legendary ghost, but with the bright lights, the continual clank of cell doors and the incessant creak of the ever-pacing guards’ boots, it is hard to achieve much more than a few restless hours of sleep on the hard metal bunks. Early the next morning, bells ring to wake everyone for the workday. The day is consumed with painting, digging, gardening, and other maintenance chores to renovate the aging, historic Alcatraz structures. By late afternoon, all “inmates” must turn in their uniforms, check out of their cells and pay their room bills, just as they would in any other tourist hotel. Of course, there would be a stop at the Island’s well-stocked souvenir shop. Then, the emancipated “inmates” would march out of the old prison gates to board the ferry toward “freedom” onshore.

By the time the ferry arrives at the pier to return the last group to safe harbor, and to pick up the next crew of prisoner/visitors en route to the Island, the chatter has reached a fever pitch. Everyone on board talks excitedly about their great, communal adventure. The patrons are happy, the city has benefited by collecting an entertainment tax, and above all, the National Park Service has actively engaged its supporters, educated them, and recruited a new army of volunteers. 

Incidentally, all former “prisoners” are allowed to keep their plastic handcuffs and their balls-and-chains as souvenirs. For many people, the world-famous Fairmont Hotel on tony Nob Hill, which charges the same rate for a one-night stay, wouldn’t have provided half as much fun as this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to sleep on “The Rock”! Such a deal…

Stock Xchange
“My folks spent the night on The Rock, and all I got was this old ball-and-chain”

This article originally appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle online edition, The Gate on July 24, 2009.